(Start from the beginning.)

I woke up the next morning with what can only be termed as the absolute worst migraine I have ever had in my life. I'd never had my head hurt so badly - I was in so much pain that I couldn't get up. Moving even the slightest made me feel violently nauseous, so I curled into a ball and squeezed my eyes shut and tried to breathe softly without moving a muscle. I was in pure agony. I hoped Adam would come into the room, so I could ask him to get me something - though I seriously doubted that any medication in the house would help even the slightest. I seriously considered calling an ambulance a few times - but didn't think I could make it out of the bed much less to the phone in the hallway. A few times I wondered if I was dying - surely a person couldn't be in this much pain and not be.

Adam never came into the room and I assumed he'd left for work without a goodbye or a 'I'll be home late' or even so much as a 'fuck you'. But that was pretty standard fare when we were fighting. I thought about how guilty he'd feel if he came home and found me dead - and I almost wished I could die right there just to put that on him. I was still furious at his actions the night before. How dare he pick up Tyler from school and bring him to my mother's and not tell me about it - or even explain why. What in the world was wrong with him?

Eventually I began to doze - going in and out of fitful sleep, dreaming in flashes of my entire life. Eventually I slipped into a light slumber and I found myself floating in a warm, safe place. I felt very at peace and very calm as I floated in this strange dark space that was neither here nor there. There was light, but it wasn't direct and only dimly shone through the walls that surrounded me. I could hear muffled voices from quite some distance away, but could not make out what they were saying. The voices didn’t bother me - in fact, I found them very soothing and I felt comforted by their presence. I never wanted to leave this peaceful sanctuary. My mind felt free to wander - free from the constraints, pressures and worries of everyday life. There was no stress here, nothing to do or worry about doing. I had only to exist.

It seems I floated in this non-place for a very long time - though that doesn't even seem right to say because I was completely oblivious to the concept of "time". I simply was - had always been - would always be. Suddenly there was a violent trembling all throughout. Suddenly everything changed - my peaceful space became alive with noises and movement. I felt a tremor of excitement run through me - was it anticipation? Another wave of violent shuddering and then I felt a tremendous force. I couldn't tell if it was pushing me or pulling at me but I felt as if it might tear me in two. My emotions actually were - part of me felt like giving in to the force and letting it take me, yet another longed to stay in my peaceful little world. I began to cry - I was so confused and the pulling-pushing feeling caused my entire body to cry out in pain. I felt a myriad of emotions: terror, excitement, uncertainty, hope, pain and even some pleasure. My mind was in chaos, my body in agony and my very soul wept with a mixture of joy and sorrow.

At that moment a woman appeared before me. I really only saw her face and it seemed to float in front of me. A thin white stick protruded from her mouth and she looked at me with a sparkle in her eye. I immediately recognized her, but couldn't put a name to the face. I knew that I knew her, but I had no idea who she was as well. A hand came up and pulled the white stick from her mouth, revealing the nubby cherry-red remnants of a Dum-Dum sucker.

"Hey, you," she said as if we were old friends. "It's almost time. Isn't this exciting?! Oh, and it's going to be 'Stella'. You told me to let you know - so there it is. I'll see you soon."

And then she was gone.

Suddenly the force changed and I was no longer being pulled and pushed at the same time, but being sucked downwards - away from the warmth and sanctity of my space - away from all peace and contentment. I truly began to cry in earnest, deep wracking sobs as I tried to grab onto something, anything, that would prevent me from being sucked down into the dark hole that had begun to open up underneath me. My fingers slid uselessly against the slick walls of my chamber - I could find nothing solid enough to hold onto. My hands flailed wildly, seeking something to safe me from the abyss that drew me ever closer with tremendous strength. My flailing hand struck something and with sudden jubilation I remembered the soft, yet strong, cord that bound me to my chamber. I reached down and grabbed the cord where it began at the front of my stomach and began pulling it to me, soon I had a good length of it in my hands - I could use this to make a rope! I could tie the rope around myself - my cord was connected to the walls of the chamber and it would prevent me from going down into the hole. I began to try and wrap the cord around me, starting at my head. It was then that the abyss made one long, last suck and I felt myself going down into it - the pressure was incredible and I thought my head might explode. I tried to scream, but as I quickly went downwards, my cord tightened around my neck and I could not breathe. Pure terror washed over me - I was being sucked slowly through a dark tunnel. Eventually I began to see a light at the end. The tunnel was soft, but it undulated around me, sometimes closing so tightly over me that I thought it might crush me. The light got closer, but I knew I would not make it - the cord around my neck grew tighter still and I was beginning to see bright spots in front of my eyes. I no longer feared what lay beyond the tunnel entrance - where the bright light led to. I knew I would never make it - I stopped fighting for breaths and I knew that I was about to die. I wasn't afraid; only felt a bit disappointed. 'This is it,' I thought and everything went black.

Sun shone in through the window. It was a crisp autumn afternoon, the first real cold snap we'd had that fall, and Mama was helping me into my favorite sweater. I couldn't wait to get outside and throw myself down in the big piles of colorful leaves Dad had been raking up all morning. We had just had lunch - ham and cheese sandwiches. I was seven years old.

"Tell me again, Mama," I told her as she buttoned me up.

"Tell you what, Stella?"

"About how I was a blue baby."

She smiled at me. "You've heard that story a thousand times."

"But tell me again!" I said, bouncing on my heels.

"You were just about to be born when I told the doctors something was wrong with you," she began, getting that look on her face that told me she was lost in the past, remembering. "They said everything was fine. A few minutes later, you were born but you were blue."

I giggled, as I always did, at the thought of being born blue.

She went on, bringing me out of my reverie, "The umbilical cord had wrapped around your neck and you weren't breathing. I was so scared - the doctors took you away before I could even touch you. Your daddy and I held hands and cried and prayed that you would be okay. Then I had a feeling that you would be fine - and I felt so relieved. I stopped crying and told the Lord, 'Thank you!' and at that moment we heard you crying. You were a perfectly healthy little baby girl. Our Stella."

At this I would always jump up and down and clap. I loved stories with happy endings.

I woke up with a little cry. I sat straight up and looked around the room. My bedroom. It was 1999 and I was in my own room, still in my clothes that I fell asleep in from the night before after fighting with Adam. I put a hand to my head realizing that it no longer throbbed in agony - but a small ache remained somewhere in the back of my head.
"How odd," I said aloud and to no one at all. "I think I just dreamed about my own birth!"

It was late, nearing 2pm I noted, as I crawled out of bed. I never stayed in bed this late, but I also had never been stricken with such a debilitating migraine before. The house was eerily quiet again as I walked through it - Tyler would still be at school and Adam at work this Wednesday afternoon. I decided I should call Mom and ask why Adam had dropped Tyler off with her the night before.

Mom rarely left the house during the day, so it was odd when the phone rang from more than five times. I waited, however, knowing she was home. Finally I heard her pick up the receiver but was greeted at first with silence.

"Mom?" I said, wondering if she was okay.

"Hello?" I heard her almost whisper into the receiver.

"Mom, it's me..."

"Is anyone there?" I heard her ask again. Her voice was trembling.

"Mom? It's Stella," I said. We must have had a bad connection. "Hey, can you hear me?" I asked.

A long silence followed. When she spoke it was so low that I could barely hear her. "Stella... Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me, Mom," I yelled back into the phone, realizing the lines were messed up. "Can you hear me? Is everything alright?"

I was answered with a click. She'd either hung up, unable to hear me, or the phone had gone dead. "Great", I thought to myself.

I decided to start on supper.

Adam came home early again - looking better than before, but not by much. I was sitting at the kitchen table when he came in, but he didn't so much as even look at me.

"Still ignoring me, huh?" I asked as walked through the room. I nodded as this was confirmed. "Tyler didn't get off the bus. Did you bring him to Mom's again? I tried calling, but there's something wrong with the line."

I hadn't panicked too much when Tyler had failed to come home again; pretty sure Adam had brought him to Mom's again. But I was tired of being kept in the dark and wanted to know what was going on.

He went to refrigerator and pulled out a beer. I rolled my eyes. I hated it when he drank.

"Adam..." I started, but was interrupted by the ringing phone.

He was closer so I let him get it.

"Hi, Jena," he said.

"Let me talk to her," I said, standing. He, of course, ignored me.

"No," he said into the phone, frowning. "I wasn’t here today. After we left the home, I went riding around to try and clear my head."

I tried to interrupt him again, "Tell her I tried to call her earlier today."

"Around 2:30? No, I wasn't back yet - I didn't call you, Jena."

"I called her!" I said, exasperated. "Jesus, Adam - don't you hear me? Tell her it was me!" This ignoring-the-wife crap was getting on my last nerve. I know he heard me, I was standing right next to him.

"Alright. Where's Tyler? Sleeping? Okay - give him a kiss for me. Bye."

He hung up and I put my hands on my hips. "You've got a lot of explaining to do!" I nearly shouted at him.

But when he turned to face me there were tears in his eyes. I was taken aback; my anger quickly forgotten. Adam who never cried was crying two days in a row. He walked past me and into the living room, lying down on the couch.

"Adam," I said, softly, going to stand in the living room's doorway. "Honey don't sleep on the couch again. Come in the bedroom - let's talk, please?"

He wouldn't answer.

I went back to the bedroom and lay down on the bed, picking up the latest book I'd been reading. What in the world was happening around here, I wondered. I tried to calm myself by getting into the story, but it wasn't happening. Since yesterday morning things had been going so very strange - I was beginning to wonder if I'd woken up in the Twilight Zone or something. A noxious smell filled the room and I looked over the other side of the bed to see Pooper asleep and snoring lightly. Somehow the smelly fart was comforting; at least some things never changed.